WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
