Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
