its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
