You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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