His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
