oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
