even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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