so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
