im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
