i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
