so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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