When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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