Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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