If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
