it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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