I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
