Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
