oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
