Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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