i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
