I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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