i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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