I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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