Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
