I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
