is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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