You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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