what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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