Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
