Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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