my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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