i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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