I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We are two peas in an std pod
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
