also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
