I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
