I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
