Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
