no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
