Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
