i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
