Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
