one might say we're banned from that church
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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