im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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