Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
