she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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