I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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