the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
