I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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