Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
