Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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