I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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