She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
